actually, I'm a sock model
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
