Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
