Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize