You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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