I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
