shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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