Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
