Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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