bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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