I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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