hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
