I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
