Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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