it hurts more in the daytime
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
