the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Barsexuality is the new black.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
