Christians are straight up FREAKS
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
