My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize