the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
