I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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