I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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