I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
