Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
