If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
