You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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