Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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