Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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