I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
