I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
