whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize