well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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