That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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