hotel room ftw
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
