You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
