i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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