You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
