you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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