I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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