I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
