Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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