No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He did a backflip because drugs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
