if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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