My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
