I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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