I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
