Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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