He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
