Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
