she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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