She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
