I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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