I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im part way to drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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