I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
