yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
