That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
