I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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