Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
