Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
