Dual....:-)
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
