I wish I could teleport
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
