her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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