I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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