Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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