you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
