apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
