Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
