were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
