It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
