please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
