Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize