Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
