you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
