I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
