If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
