youre lurking in front of me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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