i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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