the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
