I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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