you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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