Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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