I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
