i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
