I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
