also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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