Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
