no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
