So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
